I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
