Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize