Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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