did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
