I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
