Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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