She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
