Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
