So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're too hungover to prance.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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