I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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