I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
