so that wasnt chicken after all
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
