she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize