Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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