It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
