Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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