i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
