Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
