Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize