thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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