his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize