Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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