it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
