you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
