I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
