I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
