His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
