today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How external is "for external use only"?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
