If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
