Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
