Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
