is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
