Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
