Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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