sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
