I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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