and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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