I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
