just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
