You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
