I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
