i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize