I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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