Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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