whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
