the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
