whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
