So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
