Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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