i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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