I am puke
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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