By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
