And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
