there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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