when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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