my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
