Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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