dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
