I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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