i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize