does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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