She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
