WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
