dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
