Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize