I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
