So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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