Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
zippers are such a cool invention
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
