the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
